Accept People –
You Can’t Change Them
Try as you will, you can’t change another person. We say we know this to be true and yet we continue to try. I know I do. I am an old bird now and I think I’ve finally got it. Even so, the tests keep coming. Don’t they keep coming into your life?
Women marry men they think they can change. It usually doesn’t go well.
Acceptance works so much better than trying to change another person. Acceptance doesn’t mean condoning. We can accept the reality of a situation or with a person’s behavior. If we continually think about another’s behavior we are focusing attention where it doesn’t belong. Conflict is part of life. It doesn’t mean something is wrong. Sometimes people simply disagree.
“I don’t have to like reality, only to accept it for what it is. This day is too precious to waste by resenting things I can’t change. When I accept everything as it is, I tend to be reasonably serene. When I spend my time wishing things were different, I know that serenity has lost its priority.”
– Courage to Change
I wonder why we are so intent on changing people, especially those we live with. I’m guessing. I think it is an ego issue. If we have confidence we don’t concern ourselves with the behavior of others. We can detach with love. I don’t suggest abandonment as detachment. Detachment is as much mental as physical. It’s how we think about it.”
“Detachment is not a wall, it is a bridge.” Before we attempt to change another’s behavior we’ve had a thought and I suggest that thought is born in our ego.
Detachment (with love) is a gift you give your loved one. You give them to opportunity make their own choices.
“Detachment is not caring less, it’s caring more for my own serenity.”
– Courage to Change
I hold a degree from Lamar University in Speech and a Master’s from the University of Texas. I was an educator in regular and special education for twenty years, finishing my professional career as a Braille teacher. I am a Certified Professional Coach with Fowler International Academy.
I married Sam after raising three children as a single mother.
In 2007 I founded SMORE for Women. SMORE is a nonprofit association whose goal is Single Moms, Overjoyed, Rejuvenated, & Empowered. I serve as the Director of the Educational Support Program for Single Mothers with Bridges of Hope, a nonprofit in Beaumont Texas.
My stories have been published in several Christian books and magazines.My book, Living Learning Loving is available for purchase on Amazon.
Gail, I think you are right on target thinking that the reason we want to change others is that our own confidence needs boosting–our ego is in the way. Great insight. Reality may be hard to accept, but it does make it easier to deal with it and move on. I’m excited that you’re about to achieve 501(c)3 status. Way to go! Blessings on all you’re doing to help single moms! Such a needed ministry! Glad God has YOU on their side!
Thanks, Laura. Wish you were closer and we could go to lunch.