Expectations
I wanted to move to Austin. I spent the entire following summer working on getting another job, a job out of the classroom. I had a Master’s Degree and hoped it would open doors. Nothing. Not one interview. To say I was discouraged is an understatement.
Every night I did something I had never done before. I knelt by my bed. And prayed, “God, I must be where you want me. Please help me through another day.” Then I crawled into bed exhausted. About six weeks later, on October 6th I found a note from the school superintendent in my box. “See me after school.”
A Serious Professional Change
I was nervous. Surely, I’d done something wrong, but what?
When I walked into his office and saw the grin on his face, I knew I wasn’t in trouble.
He asked, “Do you have a certificate in Special Education?” He had to know that I didn’t.
“No, I do not,” I said, still curious. What was this all about?
He wanted me to consider a position that I didn’t know existed – teaching students who were visually impaired. On October 31, Halloween, I went to various schools in the two districts with the teacher I would be replacing. It was a turning point experience. I saw children with severe disabilities and others who were simply blind. Knowing this would be a life-changing decision, I spent a night at the beach, alone with my thoughts and prayers.
I took the job and made plans to take courses necessary for the position. To earn a certification to teach the visually impaired I would have to return to The University of Texas. I later learned that I was the only one ever allowed to work in this position without certification. A man on the phone with the Texas Education Agency (TEA) told me, “You must be someone special for them to let you take this job without certification.”
Big Change in Family Structure
At the time this was happening, Damon and Lance decided they would like to go live with their dad and his wife. They had been promised things that made it attractive for them. I was completely overloaded and thought this might be a good idea. They didn’t have any male influence and I thought they needed a dad for the adolescent period. I asked Bob for two promises. First that he would see that they attended church and second, keep me in touch with the school. He agreed.
The night Bob came to take them, he commented, “We will make this work.” It hit me. He was in control again.
Treva went into deep depression over it. I had not expected that. I had to take her to a counselor. She was really distraught. I thought she would be relieved to not have her little brothers around to bug her. I was wrong.
For a while things went well. Until they didn’t. Lance came over for a weekend and told Treva how Bob was abusing him. She told me and I asked him if he would like to come back to live with us. He quickly replied yes.
When school was out and after he went to Philmont, a trip he looked forward to, he stayed with me. No explanation was given to Bob. He never brought it up-ever.
Religion
Did God let us down? I do not think that is how it works. I made the decision to let them go to live with their dad. Bob had a way of staying in control and his way involved a militant way of disciplining. I had no way of imagining that he would go to such extremes.
Regret
Neither of the promises Bob made were kept. If only I had the courage to insist.
The next entry will be in two weeks.
I raised three children as a single mother before I remarried. In 2007 I founded SMORE for Women, a nonprofit whose goal is Single Moms, Overjoyed, Rejuvenated, and Empowered. I’m also a Certified Professional Coach and my stories have been published in several Christian books and magazines. My book, Living Learning Loving is available on Amazon. My Website.
gailshowalterblog.com 