Divorce Can Cause Identity Crisis

Caterpillar asks, “Who are YOU?” to which Alice replies she no longer really knows anymore, after all the recent changes.     –  Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll 

If you’ve had trouble with self identity after a long-term marriage or significant relationship, personality profiling can help. As a personality specialist I often look at situations from the perspective of “What personality drives her/him?” Knowledge of the personalities would’ve been immensely valuable to me during the end of my marriage. I hope that this information will encourage you now.  If you are interested in more information look into Wired That Way. (see Store on my site www.singlemoms@smoreforwomen.org ) 

A Look in the MIRROR

During tough times it can be difficult to look in the mirror. It is much easier to blame. But just between you and the mirror I have a few suggestions if you decide to take a glance. 

MIRROR 

M–marriage, was it mesh or meld? In your marriage or previous relationship did you mesh or meld? Mesh can mean entangled or coordinated harmoniously. Or was you marriage melded? Were you bonded in a friendship? If you were meshed and were entangled with your mate you may feel unsure of your true self. You possibly altered your personal desires to match or please your mate. You enmeshed. Enmeshed is the same as trapped. Unfortunately many people think that falling in love calls for becoming enmeshed with their mate. 

I–imitation or insistent on own way? Imitation is a compensation learned at a young age. Perhaps you imitate your mother and behave as you think “the lady of the house” is supposed to.  Or perhaps you imitate television personalities that you have seen in the wife’s role. It is good to remember that imitation is another word for pretending. The opposing ‘I’ is insisting on your own way, not even considering others’ ways of doing things. 

R–reticent, resentful, resistant, repetitious, revengeful, restless, reluctant, rash are all traits from the Wired That Way personality profile. Decide which two belong to you. Give consideration to ways to replace with a more positive strength. 

R–realization. Which are you – self-assertive or self-centered? What is your need for appreciation from others on a scale of 1-10? What do you do if/when you do not receive the credit that your think you deserve? Your answers will reveal reality about your personality. 

O–open communication. Are you outspoken or obliging or neither? Most who are outspoken are not also obliging. Neither are wrong to be. Which are you? 

R–reflection. What images do you reflect to others? Are you self aware? One of the highest levels of spiritual maturity is to be conscious of your behaviors and how they affect those around you. Sometimes a look in the MIRROR tells us more than we want to see. This is between you and the mirror.

   I raised three children as a single mother before I remarried. I have experienced the potholes, pests, and perils of being the single head-of-household. As an educator in regular and special education for twenty years I know a great deal about child development and how to handle kids. I am the founder of SMORE for Women, a nonprofit whose goal is Single Moms, Overjoyed, Rejuvenated, and Empowered. I'm a Certified Professional Coach and my stories have been published in several books and magazines. My book, Living Learning Loving is available on Amazon.