Grief is the Uninvited Guest that Interrupts our Life
There are many circumstances that bring grief into our lives. As common as it is for many, including me, grief hits hard and is often more difficult to handle than we expect it to be.
I recently lost my dear brother-in-law and though he had lived a long and full life, the grief has hit me hard. One thing that I will remember is something he said to me as he was close to death. He said, “It’s a stage of life.” And that is true. Death is part of life. Knowing this doesn’t seem to make it easier, but it does make it more meaningful, at least for me.
This is an excerpt from my book, Living Learning Loving.
Here are seven practical and doable tips for transitioning to your new life. Number seven may be the most difficult.
- Treat yourself gently. At least once a day give yourself permission to do something you enjoy. Take a warm bath by candlelight. Polish your nails. Go window-shopping. Take a walk.
- Stay around positive people.
People’s words affect us. Brain chemistry changes with our moods.
- Do something differently every day.
Cook a new dish. Watch a television program you’ve not seen before. Take a new route to work.
- Make a list of what you can do now that you couldn’t do while in the relationship: Possibilities for your future; personal goals for next week, next month, and for six months, and one year ahead; personal dreams.
- Identify triggers for your grief.
Remove photos that upset you. Don’t play music that upsets you. Limit conversations about your ex- when talking with friends. Go to different places than those you went to with him.
- Make a plan.
Consider an achievable adventure in your personal life. Plan a celebration for the next holiday. Give yourself time, but mark a date on your calendar when you will have made decisions for your future.
- Do a complete autopsy of your previous relationship and accept that the past is past. You don’t have to relive it; you can learn from it.
Gail raised three children as a single mother before she remarried. She has experienced the potholes, pests, and perils of being the single head-of-household. As an educator in regular and special education for twenty years she knows a great deal about child development and how to handle kids. She is the founder of SMORE for Women, a nonprofit whose goal is Single Moms, Overjoyed, Rejuvenated, and Empowered. She is a Certified Professional Coach and her stories have been published in several Christian books and magazines. Her book, Living Learning Loving is available on CreateSpace, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble online.