Setting Boundaries Can Change Your Life

from message given by Gail Cawley Showalter at the 2014 SMORE Retreat

What if I told you – this one topic can change your life forever?

Boundaries are the source of many of the difficulties that I notice when I talk with single mothers.

Difficulties often start in childhood.

Abuse as a child crosses the most personal of boundaries – skin. The child grows into adolescence believing she doesn’t have a right to have personal boundaries. It can be very confusing for her.

Healthy Boundaries have to do with: Responsibility for one’s self and limit setting

The Boundary Setting Battle is in two Categories:

1. Outside resistance—from others
2. Inside resistance-from ourselves

Questions to ask yourself:

• Do you always answer a ringing phone?
• Are you able to withdraw from an unpleasant conversation?
• Do you agree to something and then resent it later?
• Are you able to maintain healthy workable relationship with father of your children?
• Do members of your family make unreasonable demands on your time?
• Do you overindulge men and their desires where you are concerned?
• Do you fully realize that “NO” is a complete sentence?

Specific Signs that you need a boundary:

• You resent a responsibility you volunteered for or couldn’t figure a way out of
• You find yourself justifying or defending a choice or action
• You are taking on responsibility that belongs to someone else.
• Family members hold favors they have done for you over your head
• Friends or family guilt-trip you and take advantage of you

“People who own their lives do not feel guilty when they make choices about where they are going” from Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.

Healthy boundaries can make all aspects of your life better. You are the only one who can do this. It cannot be done for you.

Start building healthy boundaries with small steps.

(There are limits; you need to say no appropriately.)

-Imagine a life in which you have the calm home where your children feel safe.

-Imagine a day where you have the time to get everything done that you know needs doing. Because you aren’t  wasting anytime on Facebook or games, etc.

-Imagine a full week of evenings with your children when there is no dissension, arguing, or resistance.

-Imagine harmony in your life.

Goal – a life without guilt, old baggage affecting your choices, being stuck and unable to move forward.

 Start building healthy boundaries with small steps.

“Don’t even try to start setting limits until you have entered into deep, abiding attachments with people who will love you no matter what.” from Boundaries

Technology Boundaries

Phone– Do you know that you don’t have to answer every call?

Texting– Slow down. Give it some thought. Never, ever, ever do it while driving!!!

Facebook – Set your boundaries with a partner doing the same.

Nothing personal, private or controversial. Avoid opinions.

IF YOU DON’T WANT THE DRAMA, DON’T BE DRAMATIC.

DON’T GET ON THE STAGE! DON’T PUT IT OUT THERE.

Expect resistance

Before you set a boundary – Have a PLAN with a real life FRIEND

Scripture warns us –

Keep vigilant watch over your heart, That’s where life starts. – Proverbs 4:23

Gail holds a degree from Lamar University in Speech and a Master’s from the University of Texas. She married Sam after raising three children as a single mother. She was an educator in regular and special education for eighteen years, finishing her professional career as a Braille teacher. In 2007 She founded SMORE for Women. SMORE is a nonprofit association whose goal is Single Moms, Overjoyed, Rejuvenated, & Empowered. She is a Women’s Transition Coach and her stories have been published in several Christian books and magazines.