by Gail Cawley Showalter, Founder of SMORE for Women

There is no ache quite like heartache.

Ending a relationship is often a life-altering event. In some cases it means a child may not grow up knowing the ‘other parent.’ In the case of divorce, children’s lives are strained and torn. In the loss of a father by death the same is true.

A deliberate plan will build a sense of security in the home. Children thrive in homes where routines are a part of everyday life. If the mother in the home is at ease and confident the children will mirror her.

Here are seven practical and doable tips for transitioning to your new life. Number seven may be the most difficult.

1. Treat yourself gently. At least once a day give yourself permission to enjoy a personal activity.

• Take a warm bath by candle light
• Polish your nails
• Go window shopping
• Go to a park and swing
• Take a walk

2. Stay around positive people because:

• People’s words affect us
• Brain chemistry changes with our moods

3. Do something differently everyday:

• Cook a new dish
• Watch a television program you’ve not seen before
• Take a new route to work

4. Make a list of:

• What you can do now that you couldn’t do while in the relationship
• Possibilities for your future
• Personal goals for next week, month, six months, and one year

5. Identify triggers for your grief

• Remove photos that upset you
• Don’t play music that upsets you
• Limit conversations about your ex when talking with friends
• Go to different places than you went with him

6. Make a plan

• Give yourself time, but mark a date on your calendar when you will have made decisions for your future
• Consider an achievable adventure in your personal life

7. Do a complete autopsy of your previous relationship and accept that the past is past. You don’t have to relive it; you can learn from it.

Life is a journey with choices at every turn. Our choices determine which paths we take.

Stay on the path with the light at the end.