Christmas Alone
A true/previously published story adapted here.
“Joy to the World” was playing on the car radio, but I did not feel any joy in my world. It was five days before Christmas – the first Christmas since my divorce and the first one I would spend without my children.
It was Friday and I was on my way to pay the sitter. One blessing I had found was a wonderful woman who kept the children, but my children would not be coming home with me. They would be staying with their dad until the afternoon of Christmas day, and he would be picking them up or so I thought. They were just the ages that made Christmas extra special. Their eager, wide-eyed expectations had made Christmas morning fun for me the last few years.
I was trying not to imagine a Christmas morning without their giggles and squeals of delight when they saw the surprises that had mysteriously appeared under the tree overnight.
When I drove my old station wagon into the babysitter’s driveway, a familiar sleek, black sports car was parked proudly before me. My heart sank. I knew it was my husband’s lady friend coming for my children. Should I stay or go? Confusion gripped me. Before I could decide to leave, my children came out of the house, climbed into her car and waved, “Bye Mommy” to me as if I was an acquaintance beside the road. They were gone.
I paid the sitter without a word. And returned to my car where despair overpowered me. My tension grew until all the muscles in my neck and back clinched into knots and I began to sob. Soon hot tears poured onto the cold steering wheel. How could this be happening, I wondered? How could I get through Christmas without them?
“Oh God, please, please, please get me through this.”
As I drove home in a blur, I remembered my mother’s overcoming spirit. She often quoted Art Linkletter, “In love’s service, only the saddened qualify.” Well-I certainly must be qualified! I had never known such sadness in all my life. And I was willing to ‘serve’ in any way to remove the pain.
“What can I do God? What can I do?”
A wonderful idea! Since I have been involved in theatre all my life, I would be a Christmas elf for children who were not as fortunate as my own. It was easy to put together a Christmas elf costume, a green felt skirt, tights, green elf shoes, a green hat made from gift wrapping, and stage make-up completed the ‘look.’
I dialed the number of a local hospital.
“Hello, I was wondering if you had children who are still in the hospital, and if they would like a visit from a Christmas elf.”
Soon I was on my way to the children’s ward in my little green station wagon. There were sure to be children there who would welcome a visit from a Christmas elf. I would get to see eyes filled with wonder after all.
An elf’s arrival in a hospital, even at Christmas, attracts quite a lot of attention. Heads turned, and some people grinned, but my goal was so intense that my inhibitions had vanished. I was not even self-conscious.
I went on to two other hospitals, without even calling ahead. Walking in, unannounced, added to the drama for me, as well as for the nursing staff.
On the way home, as I sat at a traffic light in my green wagon and green costume with my red-painted cheeks and artificial freckles, I was so wrapped up in the adventure that I forgot about my appearance. I glanced over to the other lane and saw a gentleman in a black suit and tie, driving a huge black Continental, laughing. I looked at myself through his eyes, and my pain was gone. I had completely forgotten my sorrow and my self. Christmas was not about me. It was about The Gift, about Christ. I could go back to my empty house now and plan for the after Christmas celebration. When my children returned, I would have a spirit of true joy in my heart – the joy of Christmas – that I would continue to share with others regardless of my current circumstances.
Next episode in two weeks.
I raised three children as a single mother before I remarried. In 2007 I founded SMORE for Women, a nonprofit whose goal is Single Moms, Overjoyed, Rejuvenated, and Empowered. I’m also a Certified Professional Coach and my stories have been published in several Christian books and magazines. My book, Living Learning Loving is available on Amazon. My Website.
gailshowalterblog.com 