Lessons of Insight and Encouragement on the Path of Motherhood

Excerpt from Living, Learning, Loving

I spent my early years entertaining myself, spending many hours in solitude. Later in life, after a divorce and three young children, I craved that time alone. And then I resented it passionately when it came, like the anticipation of a delicious meal with its aroma and enticement, and then the unpleasant indigestion that follows after overindulging my appetite. 

Never confuse this: being alone is not the same as being lonely. Perhaps the fear of loneliness keeps you from experiencing the grace of aloneness. As a single mom, you may feel lonely, especially if you are often alone. Perhaps this is not the life you had dreamed of. Difficulties and disappointments faced alone can be daily events for single mothers. There are, however, some gems that can be polished when we are alone. Being alone brings a grace all its own. Grace is often explained as ‘unmerited favor.’ In other words, something good that happens to us that we don’t deserve. There is grace that comes to you when you are alone that cannot come any other way. You can experience the following points of grace when you accept aloneness as a pathway to inner peace.

G Growth is the goal of the spiritual life. You may avoid it because growth is painful. For the seed to sprout, it must first crack open. 

“God never put anyone in a place too small to grow.” – Henrietta Mears 

If you haven’t noticed, look around. Physical growth is a constant. Spiritual growth not so much. We should ask ourselves how we have grown lately. Am I the same person I was a year ago? What have I learned? Would others say I was different? 

Aloneness can renew, refresh, and give us valuable reflection. Living an alone life requires more work for those who experience it. Being a single adult raising children, especially, can be stressful, sometimes overwhelming. Our great spiritual teachers all spent time away from crowds. So should we. Take the time to refresh. Reflect on your life goals. 

A Acceptance is powerful. Mary, the mother of Jesus, wondered, “How can this be?” And then quickly accepted, “Let it be . . . truly accepting God’s will is the essence of prayer. Yet for us it seems an insurmountable feat. 

Once my daughter accepted that she was not able to conceive, she was open to adoption. Our lovely granddaughter is grown now and we can’t imagine our lives without our beautiful “baby” from Russia. When you arrive at the place where you are no longer attempting to fix, control, blame, judge or persuade others—you have reached acceptance. 14 

C Compassion is usually developed after we experience a valley of our own. It wasn’t until after my father’s death that I realized it was essential to be there for my friends when they lost a loved one. After the heartache of divorce, my compassion for single mothers developed into a passion. We are creatures designed to have empathy for others. 

E Education is a terrific journey to take when alone. Learning something new can change your entire perspective. Learning comes in many forms. A new hobby requires learning. Career development demands acquiring new knowledge. It is so much easier to read a book when you are alone. 

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         In southeast Texas, I’m known as the “Old Bird with a Soft Spot for Single Moms.” That is because I’ve worked with single mothers since 2007.

         As a professional, I have worked in many areas of the business world and the world of education. I taught high school, and later, I taught Braille to blind children. I even taught on the college level for a few semesters. My formal education includes a B.A. in Speech, Art, and Education and a Master’s Degree from the University of Texas in Curriculum and Instruction.

         In 2007, I established a nonprofit called SMORE for Women, now called Single Moms EmpowerEd.