Healthy Boundaries Keep Your Heart Safe
Related posts – “Expect Resistance”, “Living with Boundaries” Chapter 2 video, Radio Spot,
For some women difficulty with boundaries began in childhood. Others may suffer with weak boundaries as a result of troublesome relationships.
Our first/earliest boundary is our skin. It is our largest organ and protects us. When a young girl is physically or sexually abused her physical boundary is breached (failure of abiding by a law of conduct). From her point of view she has no boundaries. She learned early she wasn’t allowed to say no. Some women overcome this, but for many it is a lifelong struggle.
Women coming out of a broken relationship with an intimidator or overbearing man can be afraid to establish healthy boundaries. She may have been programmed to please at the expense of her own desires. She may not even realize what has happened.
Another situation occurs when a woman feels vulnerable. She attempts to make all things right or perfect. She may think she is safe from criticism as long as she is in control. I often felt that way. Confusion between boundaries and rigid walls can cause lots of problems.
I believe healthy boundaries begin internally. They start with our thoughts. (my video of “Thoughts on Thinking”) Everyone is so different-how we think in a given situation will be different.
My study of personalities helped me greatly when dealing with other people. Once you can accept that another’s traits are a part of who they are, just as your own traits are part of who you are, it’s easier to allow others to be. Thank goodness we aren’t all alike.
Understanding personalities is a source of understanding of the differences we all have. Our emotional needs are related to our personality types. Identifying personalities is an asset for dealing with difficult people as well. When we understand a person’s motivation it is much easier to communicate or work with them. We all have motivators and it helps when we realize it.
I believe that understanding personalities helps when setting boundaries. When you know more about why the other person is doing whatever it is they are doing you can determine the best approach to setting boundaries with them.
References – Personality Principles
Gail holds a degree from Lamar University in Speech and a Master’s from the University of Texas. She was an educator in regular and special education for twenty years, finishing her professional career as a Braille teacher. She married Sam after raising three children as a single mother. In 2007 She founded SMORE for Women. SMORE is a nonprofit association whose goal is Single Moms, Overjoyed, Rejuvenated, & Empowered. She is a Certified Professional Coach and her stories have been published in several Christian books and magazines. Her book, Living Learning Loving, published in July 2015, is available for purchase on Amazon.