True Love is Not a Myth

February, the heart month, the month of love may cause single women and single moms to feel left out. Let’s take a look at love.

Have you fallen in love? How did you feel when it ended?

The thrill of being in love is powerful. We enjoy the attention. We let ourselves believe this relationship is the real thing. We overlook all the sorts of things that might otherwise offend us, to stay under the spell.

Falling in love is not necessarily a good thing. Falling never is.

Infatuation is a trap, an illusion that our feelings will last forever. Infatuation is an intense feeling, thinking you are in love that may really just be deep lust or like for another person. The feelings are so intoxicating we often ignore relationship red flags.

I’ve done this a time or three. Once I thought I was going to marry a man who was not completely stable [IMHO]. He dumped me in an embarrassing way. Why was I surprised? The heartache I felt was incredible. About that a friend took my hand. And after a few years he put a ring on it. We’ve been extremely happily married for over twenty years.

The Myth of The Soul Mate

“The myth of romantic love tells us, in effect, that for every young man in the world there is a young woman who was ‘meant for him,’ and vice versa. Moreover, the myth implies that there is only one man meant for a woman and only one woman for a man and this has been predetermined ‘in the stars.’ Then we meet the person for whom all the heavens intended us, and since the match is perfect, we will then be able to satisfy all of each other’s needs forever and ever, and therefore live happily forever after in perfect union and harmony.” M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled.

A mature and emotionally stable couple according to Peck can “learn that a true acceptance of their own and each other’s individuality and separateness is the only foundation upon which a mature marriage can be based and real love can grow.”

I hate to tell you this but – Love is not a feeling.

When you fall out of love, and sooner or later you will, that is when “the opportunity for genuine love” begins.

Genu8ine love is an act of the will. It is a decision.

So, you may be saying about now, what’s a girl to do this Valentine’s Day? As trite as I may sound—Love yourself. Paint your nails red. Throw yourself a party. Give yourself a present. Buy yourself some chocolate and roses. And remember that you are a remarkable creation, a unique woman, and a true vision.

Related post: Discovering Grace and Marriage

I raised three children as a single mother before I remarried. I have experienced the potholes, pests, and perils of being the single head-of-household. As an educator in regular and special education for twenty years I know a great deal about child development and how to handle kids. I am the founder of SMORE for Women, a nonprofit whose goal is Single Moms, Overjoyed, Rejuvenated, and Empowered. I’m also a Certified Professional Coach and my stories have been published in several Christian books and magazines. My book, Living Learning Loving is available on CreateSpace, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble online.